About a year ago at my local grocery, I discovered their version of BBQ wings. When I first had those wings, I was so excited. The mixture of sweet and tangy excited my taste buds. I ate those wings every day. After three weeks, I stopped eating them. It wasn’t the fact they weren’t delicious, but I got tired of eating them. The excitement wore off. The taste became normal. I haven’t eaten the wings since March.
Relationships go through the same thing. A new relationship brings newness. The new person is a new personality to discovery. A new body to explore. We are enchanted by it. During this “honeymoon season”, there is nothing we want more than to be around them, see them, hold them, and generally close off the world.
However, over the course of time we have discovered their body, gain almost psychic-like abilities to predict their mood, and the newness is gone. When this goes, the relationship goes into autopilot: you give the morning call or text, lunch call or text, and they post-day wrap up. We go from seeing each other every second, to be satisfied with a text or Facebook or Twitter update.
This road leads down to relationship death. When the desire to not be around each other fades, the desire to be around something new grows. If the relationship is to remain solid, then newness must return. It’s natural to become accustomed to someone, but both parties have to find reasons to be around each other. Remember, your first days,the honeymoon season.
I have seen, and been part of this. The catalyst that causes change is when someone new comes in your honey’s life. You realize how much you want your mate. When someone else sees what you see, take that as the time to remember those special traits.
Newness can come back even if you have been married for 60 years, there is something new to learn, something new to do. Shine up the relationship by laughing again, going out to new places, re-ignite the romance.
Now, that I think about it, I haven’t had those wings in a while. Gotta go.
Have any of you been in this situation? Do you have any advice for anyone whose relationship is on autopilot? If you need any advice of how to restore the newness, drop a comment.